How I Spent My Afternoon Off

Hey friends, it’s been a while since I told you a story, hasn’t it? Well, would you like to hear about how I spent my afternoon?

Last time I went in for an oil change they said all my tires were pretty worn so I should get them replaced sometime before winter. And then one of my tires developed a slow leak, so last week I made an appointment to get four new tires.

My appointment was at 5 o’clock so I was going to leave work an hour early. But then I remembered that I still had a summer half day to use so I took the whole afternoon instead. My plan was to go home, take the dogs out, do some laundry, and start a roast in the crockpot so dinner would be ready when I got back from the appointment. I also decided to get a haircut before taking the car in, since I would have some free time in between.

That was the plan, anyway.

I did go home and take the dogs out as planned. Yay me!! Then I did some laundry and started the roast. So far so good, right? The hair salon’s website has online check-in to reduce the wait time, so I signed up. Cool. Then I went out to the car.

And that’s when my plan went off the rails.

I mean, just look at this nonsense:

S.

I.

G.

H.

I guess my car just couldn’t wait until 5 to get that tire replaced. That’s annoying, but I know how to change a tire so I wasn’t worried.

Figuring I probably wouldn’t have time to get my haircut after all, I canceled my online check-in and got to work. First I made sure I had all the necessary equipment (yes, I did). Then I attempted to loosen the lugnuts.

SPEED BUMP #1: Turns out three of the lugnuts were stuck tight. After much pulling, pushing, pulling, sighing, and cursing, they would not budge. I took a break to complain on Twitter and Facebook, you know, like ya do. After my temper had cooled down a bit I attacked the lugnuts again with renewed vigor. Eventually they each relented to my superior stubbornness and loosened. #winning

Next I got the car jacked up and removed all the lugnuts. All that’s left is to remove the old tire and put on the spare, right?

SPEED BUMP #2: The car would not let go of the wheel. Though I had hoped to be pleasantly surprised, I was sort of expecting this result, as I had the same problem the last couple of times I’ve had to change a tire. I tried using the crowbar, pushing, pulling, kicking, hammering, and of course, there was cursing and muttering galore. Nothing worked. Not even the cursing. Eventually I gave up on my dream of being a strong, self-reliant woman who don’t need no help from no man to change a tire. I could hear my handy neighbor working in his garage (which he often does) so I sheepishly asked if he could maybe help me get the tire loose. He gladly set aside what appeared to be an airplane the size of my Saint Bernard (seriously) and came to my rescue. The first thing he did was kick the wheel several times, and I felt slightly vindicated that at least I had the right idea (even if I wasn’t successful in its execution). His kicking was no more effective than mine had bern. Eventually with the combined power of WD40 and persistence, he convinced the car to let go. This also involved crawling underneath the car and hammering on the wheel from behind, which is something I hadn’t tried. Talk about dedication. (Kind of embarrassed I didn’t think to try that myself actually, but I will file that knowledge away for next time.) At this point I was prepared to take over again, but he said he might as well help me get the spare on, since he was already there. And when I say “help”, I mean “do all the work while I stand there awkwardly handing him stuff and thinking I should probably be more useful”. He mounted the spare, tightened all the lugnuts, and lowered the jack in a fraction of the time it would probably have taken me, and then stood there looking at it for a moment.

“Hang on,” he said and walked off to his garage. He returned a moment later with a tire pressure gauge.

Oh no.

SPEED BUMP #3: I think you can guess where this is going. Yep. My spare tire was flat.

Let me repeat that for emphasis:

My spare tire.

Was flat.

I swear I have the worst luck. But have no fear! I clearly asked the right neighbor for help. He walked off again and returned with this glorious machine:

That’s right, friends. Handy Neighbor just happens to own an air compressor. Thank goodness I didn’t insist on taking over after he got the tire loose from my car.

Handy Neighbor got my spare inflated again while I put the old tire and the assorted tools back into my car.

I owe this guy some cookies or something.

After many expressions of gratitude, I was on my way. But, since I apparently can’t do anything without some kind of drama, the skies opened up and I had to drive through a torrential downpour the whole way there. Gutters backed up so entire lanes were under water, reducing a 4-lane road to 2 lanes in some places. I suppose I should be grateful it didn’t start raining while I was still outside failing the lugnut challenge, but… I mean, COME ON.

Somehow I managed to get to the shop at exactly 5 o’clock. Tires were replaced in an hour and all was right with the world again. As I drove home I was surprised at how smooth a ride it was. I guess I forgot what it was like to drive a car that didn’t have balding, leaking tires.

So anyway, that was my exciting afternoon off. What have you all been doing for fun lately?

 

Why I shouldn’t attempt to accomplish things early in the morning

This weekend my boss at Job2 gave me a Starbucks gift card to celebrate my awesomeness and demonstrate support for my attachment to overpriced coffee-based beverages. I mean, technically she offered me one of a selection of cards, of which Starbucks was one, but yeah. I saw that one and the other cards never had a chance of seeing the inside of my wallet. It’s not overpriced if it’s FREE, right?

Since I had some extra time this morning before work, I decided to take advantage of that gift card and pick up something on the way to the office.

 

I guess I didn’t think to put that in my medical chart

Today I went to the doctor for my annual checkup. I always know it’s time for my annual checkup because I call the pharmacy to refill my prescriptions, and then later that day someone at the clinic calls me and says “Hey, it’s been over a year. If you want more drugs you gotta come see us, mmkay?”

 

You Won’t Believe What I Did This Weekend

Buckle up, friends, do I have a story for you!

It started with a phone call.

Friday night my dad called and asked if I could come over around 8. This was strange, because usually my mom is the one who calls me, though it’s not unheard of for my dad to call. We were just getting ready for our regular game night with our friends, which usually lasts until 10:30. I wouldn’t be able to stop over that evening. He said he needed to talk to me about something, but not over the phone. I said I could stop by the coffee shop where he goes in the mornings. No, he said, could I come by their place at around 10 am instead? I agreed.

 

Possibly the best account security question of all time

Recently at work, I had to register for a secure email account to receive a document from a vendor. During the registration process, I had to choose a security question. The third option on this list made me literally laugh out loud at my desk.

 

Waking Up with Depression and Anxiety, a play in one act.

[CURTAIN RISES]

ME: *turning off my alarm* Feeling pretty good about myself today!

DEPRESSION: Really? Did you forget about all the sad and/or embarrassing things that have happened in your life?

ME: No, I didn’t forget, I just-

DEPRESSION: Remember that time in ninth grade when someone wrote something mean about you in your friend’s yearbook?

 

Holding on to What I Haven’t Got

Do you ever randomly think of someone you haven’t seen in ages? This happens to me a lot. All day long, various things will remind me of my friends or family members. It’s like having a memory player on shuffle in my mind all the time. Sometimes it’s people I see every day. Sometimes it’s people I haven’t seen in years. 

 

Like an elephant graveyard, but with less elephants and more cars

This afternoon my husband and I volunteered for post-event cleanup after a local charity run. The run went through a park along the Red River, and the path was marked with little flags to direct the participants. Our job was to walk part of the trail and pull up the flags, as well as collect any garbage we found along the way. At one point we came across an unexpected sight:

 

Things our Butler does

Last month we adopted a 2-year-old Saint Bernard.

His name is Butler. He’s adorable and we love him like crazy, but sometimes he does silly things.

 

Weird things I can say in French

About a year ago I decided that I wanted to learn French, so I downloaded a free language-instruction app onto my phone. I lost motivation and quit using it last summer but recently picked it up again. Since it’s been so long I pretty much had to start over, but this has reminded me of how amusing the phrases can be in this app. I’d like to share with you some of the strange things I have learned to say in French, and their translations.*