Is it better to leave or be left behind?

Well, the ballots are in – Ian and I are both still employed. 

I spent the better part of the day yesterday obsessively checking email to see if one of us got “the letter”, and you all know how I hate suspense.  One of my friends at school brought me to her dorm room and gave me some banana cream pie she had made – from scratch.  It was delicious, but I could not finish it.  I hardly ate anything at all yesterday; I couldn’t even eat dinner, and Ian made chicken tacos, which I LOVE. 

When I got to work at 6, the first thing I did was check our email.  The only significant message we had was the one saying everyone who would be affected had been notified, which meant we were not among them.  I thought I would feel relief at the news, but honestly I think I feel even worse today than I did yesterday.  I definitely feel survivor’s guilt; why should I keep my job when there are others at the company who wanted to make it a career, and they will lose their jobs?  Somehow it doesn’t feel right.  I still need to process it for a while I think.

Oh, and a bonus for those folks who come here and read my blog – I did very well on my test.  WAY better than I expected.