You know that scene in The Matrix where Trinity is running from the Agents, does a spectacular leap between two buildings, and dives expertly through a tiny window before finally landing on her back at the bottom of the stairs, guns pointed at the window, ready to shoot her pursuers as soon as they appear? Except they don’t appear, and soon she has to break the silence and says aloud to herself, “Get up, Trinity. Get up.” Of course she does get up, and the action continues.
This is what Depression is like for me. Except without the pursuing Agents, spectacular leap, sexy plastic clothing, and eventual victory over paralysis that Trinity eventually experiences. Depression, for me, is like being stuck in that moment between when Trinity tells herself to get up and when she finally stands.
Depression is a word almost everyone has heard; most people know the word, but don’t really understand what it means. Some people who have never experienced depression seem to be experts on how to get over it. I expect, like all diseases, depression is different for everyone. There’s no one set of symptoms that is the same for everyone. It’s not always about crying and suicide attempts. Mind you, there is a lot of crying (often for no discernible reason) but suicide is never on the menu, not for me. Actually I doubt I would even be able to motivate myself enough to try it if the thought did cross my mind. Depression can be crippling; some days it’s miraculous that I can even get out of bed. No matter how many times I tell myself “Get up Kari”, I cannot seem to make my muscles move.
And it’s always there. Even when things are going well, it’s lurking on the horizon, ready to pounce.