Today my husband tortured me in full view of the entire neighborhood. And I said thank you.
Just kidding. Of course I will tell you the whole story.
At 7:30 this morning to go for a 5K run/walk around the neighborhood (on a SATURDAY, no less). Our previous 5K route was too complicated for me to remember and when I fell too far behind and couldn’t see Ian anymore, I didn’t know where I was supposed to turn next and got so frustrated I just walked home. Not a good day. Since Ian is a good guy and loves me a lot, he mapped out a much simpler route which I have already memorized – two 1.5 mile loops around the neighborhood:
On our first loop, we passed the playground and noted with surprise that someone had set up a leather sofa and loveseat near the jungle gym. We both looked at each other then did a double-take. Yes, there was a living room set in the middle of the playground.
“I’ll get a picture of that on the second lap” I said. I had decided to alternate running two blocks, walking one block on this right round. The first lap was pretty easy – I even ran three blocks one time! Ian suggested we run through the alley behind our house to see how the dogs were doing, since we decided to let them hang out in the yard while we were gone. As we turned the corner, we saw Selby happily sniffing around the fence – on the neighbor’s side – while Emerson obediently watched from our side of the fence. WTF?
Ian said “What are you doing?” And Selby immediately looked around guiltily. Don’t even bother telling me dogs don’t feel guilt – she knew 100% that she was doing something wrong, and as soon as she heard Ian’s voice you could see the hamster wheel turning like “how do I get out of this without getting in trouble?” The answer she came up with was to run up to us, wagging her tail as if we’d been gone for days. We checked was the gate – still securely latched. So how did she get out? Apparently she managed to find a small gap between two pieces of metal fencing and pushed against it until there was a Selby-sized gap between them, which she crawled through. Argh!
We put the dogs in the house and set out for loop two. On the way past the playground I stopped to take these pictures for you (in case you didn’t believe me):
The rest of the loop was pretty uneventful, until we approached the northeast corner turn.
Ian: Okay, you can walk the first block, but then you’re going to run the rest of the way until we’re home.
Me: What?! But that’s 6 blocks! And a HALF!
Ian: Yep. You can do it, it’s only 5 minutes.
Me: Six blocks is like a half a mile.
Me: And this next block? The one you said I can walk? It’s the shortest block on the whole loop. There’s only two houses on that block.
Me: You’re an a-hole.
Ian. Yep. Time to run now.
Me: $(*_>@#. *running*
TWO BLOCKS LATER
Me: My shins hurt.
Ian: You’re 30% done.
TWO BLOCKS LATER
Ian: You’re 60% done!
Me: I hate you so much.
TWO BLOCKS LATER
Ian: There it is – the finish line. Picture the big sign and all the crowds cheering for you!
Me: *middle finger*
But I did it! I ran 6 straight blocks – and then I sprinted the last half block to home. The most amazing thing about it is that I can still walk.
Ian gave me a big hug and told me how proud he is of me, and then he said next weekend he’s going to make me do three loops. I said next weekend I’ll have divorce papers drawn up.