So THAT’S what a “crap-ton” looks like.

09 May

Many of you might remember my last post where I talked about the wonder that is Clean Up Week in Fargo, ND. Occasionally during clean up week I stumble across something which makes me do a double-take. Yesterday on my way home from work I had to drive around the block because I didn’t realize what I had seen until I had passed it. There was a treadmill underneath a couple of garbage bags in the middle of a trash pile. Naturally I stuffed it in my van and took it home. (The treadmill, I mean. Not the garbage. I have plenty of that at home already.) It’s obvious that the previous owner got a lot of use out of it – it looks practically new except that every crevice is stuffed with autumn leaves. Clearly this treadmill spent a long lonely winter in the garage with the rest of the stuff in the pile. Thankfully the copper scavengers didn’t see it there either it still has an electrical cord; if I can’t make it run I might see if one of the exercise equipment shops can fix it. Still, if it doesn’t work I haven’t lost anything except the effort it took to move it.

Last night Ian and I did another run/walk loop through our neighborhood. As we passed the playground which had been occupied by a black leather living room set, I observed that someone had already redecorated:


Even more amazing was the pile adorning the boulevard across the street. It was so voluminous that it overflowed from the boulevard and covered the sidewalk. When I drove by it today after lunch, I saw it had grown even more overnight. I believe it’s what you call a crap-ton of junk (that’s an industry term).* I had to pull over and take these pictures for you:




But that isn’t even the most spectacular boulevard I saw today. Friends, that prize belongs to this house right here:



I revise my earlier statement. Clearly THIS is what they meant when they invented the term crap-ton. If you look closely you will observe THREE rows of toilets in that neatly arranged collection of thrones. And this was not in front of an apartment building, you guys. It was your standard 50’s-era cookie-cutter house; there are probably no more than 2 bathrooms in the house!

The picture inspires so many questions. How did they end up with so many toilets? How long did it take to collect that many? How many gallons of chili do you suppose they consume in a year? Where in the heck were they KEEPING all those toilets before they put them out on the curb??

Miraculously, Facebook had the answer to most of the questions above. It just so happens that a former classmate of mine actually works with the girl who lives there. Apparently they left the house for about an hour and a half and when they came home, they found all these toilets scattered through-out their backyard. The primary theory is that it was her dad’s employees playing a prank on him. Of course that all makes sense.**

To be honest, the truth is a bit of a letdown. I prefer my theory. Obviously the owner of this home is a mild-mannered scientist who was recently exposed to gamma radiation and/or bitten by a genetically modified super-spider, and whose as-yet unmanaged superpower is explosive superpoop. Someone needs to find that guy a retired former hero to coach him through these first few difficult months before the bad guys discover his secret identity.

Yes, I am still a demented 14-year-old comic-book nerd on the inside. But really, aren’t we all? I invite you to propose your alternate explanations in the comments.

* There were actually a few items in the pile which I might have been tempted to pick up if I had seen them somewhere else, but I’m fairly certain I don’t want to bring anything from that house into mine. Who knows what may have soaked into it?

** No word yet on how many gallons of chili they consume in a year. Or any other timeframe for that matter.


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6 responses to “So THAT’S what a “crap-ton” looks like.

  1. hollow tree ventures

    May 16, 2012 at 11:51 am

    THAT. is. a. lot. of. crap. Seriously. And as much as I hate it sometimes, is there any question that can’t be answered on facebook?

    • karifur

      May 16, 2012 at 11:56 am

      I have not yet encountered such a question. 🙂

  2. sparkling74

    May 16, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    I like the lavender one, myself.

    • karifur

      May 16, 2012 at 12:41 pm

      I admire the boldness of the color choice, but I’m not sure how one would use a toiler that doesn’t have a flush handle. 🙂

  3. kelleysbreakroom

    May 18, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    I just knew you were going to say those toilets had something to do with that scene from
    The Help! Seriously, those are funny pictures and that IS a crap-ton of toilets. Ha!

    Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny!


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