This morning my husband and I went out on a run/walk around the neighborhood. He made me set a goal so I foolishly said “5K?”. Sometimes I am a masochistic idiot.
We had jogged roughly a block before I was undermined by the siren song of PUPPIES! A friend of mine, who happens to live around the corner from us, is fostering a litter of some of the cutest puppies I have ever seen. Obviously I am incapable of running past puppies without stopping to “awwwww”. I mean, we’re talking about the fluffy puppies for crying out loud. PUPPIES, PEOPLE!
Anyway, after a minute or so I realized Ian had not stopped with me. How he resisted the cuteness I will never know. With one last wistful glance at the fluffies I took off to catch up with him and about a half a block later I realized I really had to poop. I mean, REALLY had to. Friends, I don’t know if you have ever tried to run while holding back the floodgates, but let me tell you, it is NOT EASY. It’s about ten times as NOT EASY as running when you don’t have to poop at all. It was about this time when I realized how much trying not to poop when you really have to poop feels like labor contractions while under the influence of Pitocin and an epidural. I’m sure at least one of you people knows what I’m talking about here. Eventually I just couldn’t even run anymore so I told Ian I needed to walk back to the house for a potty break. Thank goodness we were only three blocks north of the house by then. Even though the rest of the run was exhausting, it was still SO MUCH easier than the beginning. Note to self: be sure to take a Number Two break before running in the future.
And on a somewhat related note for your reading enjoyment, here is a transcript from a dinner conversation at my parents’ house yesterday.
Mom: I saw your cousin Andrew yesterday while on the way back from Canada.
Me: Oh really? Where was that?
Mom: Well, we were gassing up the studio van…
My son: *giggle* That sounds really bad. *giggle*
My daughter: *giggle*
Me: You should’ve rolled down the window or something. *giggle*
Mom: Ohhhh. No wonder people always look at me funny when I say that.
Everyone: *cannot stop giggling*
Mom: Well seriously if you guys are just going to laugh at me, then I’m not going to tell you the rest of the story.
Me: *choking back laughter* No no no, we want to know. Really. *skzksz*
Mom: Anyway, so Andrew tapped on the window of the van and scared the crap out of everyone…
Dad: Well that explains the smell.