For most people who suffer from it, depression is an illness which is always on the horizon. It’s no different for me. Even when things are good, I know eventually the beast will return eventually. And when it does, I sometimes forget how to be myself for a while. To illustrate, here are some common every day occurences broken down into my normal & depressed reactions:
Normal Me: I’m hungry. I think I’ll have some veggies or fruit.
Depressed Me: I’m hungry but nothing sounds good. I guess I’ll just have some chocolate. No, I’ll have LOTS of chocolate. With chocolate on it. And a side of fries.
Normal Me: I’m bored. There’s so many fun things to do I can’t decide. I could read a book, or draw a picture, or play a game with the kids, or go for a walk, or watch a TV show or a movie…
Depressed Me: I’m bored. Nothing sounds fun. I think I’ll just go to bed and stay there for a week. Maybe longer.
Normal Me: Oh, that thing that happened was so funny! I totally need to write a blog about that!
Depressed Me: Meh.
Games with Friends
Normal Me: I think I will refresh my games of Draw Something, Words with Friends, and Scramble with Friends to see if anyone has played yet, even though I just refreshed 2 minutes ago and no one had played then. I’m sure this is not obsessive at all.
Depressed Me: Oh look. Someone has nudged me because it’s been 9 days since I played my turn. Maybe I’ll play later. Whatever.
At times like these I am so grateful to have my husband around to kick me in the butt and MAKE me do stuff. Otherwise I would probably just lay in bed all day eating chocolate and french fries, ignoring friends and family. For example, yesterday we had plans to ride our bikes to the zoo, see the otters play in a kiddie pool, then ride our bikes home again (well, except for our daughter, who is volunteering as a junior zookeeper and would be staying until 5.) If Ian hadn’t been there to kick me out of bed this morning, I probably would have stayed there all day. He even made me take a SHOWER and GET DRESSED. What a jerk, right?
On the plus side, I decided on a whim to try on a pair of jeans which have been in my closet for a long time because I haven’t been able to button them in over a year. And would you believe they actually fit?! I guess all that horrible exercise is helping out after all. Okay, maybe the jeans did give me a bit of a muffin top when I sat down but I don’t care. That’s why God gave us flowy shirts with empire waists.
Anyway, the bike ride kind of sucked because I am not used to riding long distances so all my muscles cried out in protest. Especially when we crossed the bridge over the interstate. Plus it was a 4 mile ride and it was very hot and sunny. But I did it anyway, because he made me do it. And even though it was hard, I’m glad he forced me to get moving because the otters are so danged cute! They’re only a few months old but they already love to swim, and know how to play to a crowd. I mean, look at those faces!
Then just when I was starting to forgive him for making me work so hard on the bike ride to the zoo, I overheard Ian telling someone we were taking the long way home. I laughed it off thinking he was probably just joking. But he wasn’t- when it was time to leave, we set off biking in completely the wrong direction. That’s when I remembered how sometimes I want to punch him in the face.** It’s a good thing I love him so much.
** Ok, it seems I may have offended someone with this statement. No, I don’t really want to punch him in the face. It’s an expression, which here means sometimes he does things that really irritate me.