Friends, today I learned about the existence of a new product call the Lunette cup. Anyway, someone mentioned it on Twitter, and being an abnormally curious person I immediately googled this product. Here is what I found. Men, you will likely never need to know what this thing is, but I’ll just summarize for you briefly and say it’s a sort of feminine hygiene product which is, um, used internally. *cough*
The first testimonial which loaded on the website read (I am not making this up, folks): “I chose[…] the Selene because of its pretty color”. I’m sorry, what? I almost injured my abdominal muscles from laughing at this statement. We are talking about an item which women put into their vaginas. Heaven forbid you purchase a feminine hygiene product which doesn’t match the existing color palette of your vagina. Obviously I had to know what was so magnificent about this color, so I clicked on the info page. I was expecting something akin to the opalescent sheen you might see when gazing into a unicorn’s eyes… it was blue.
The cup apparently comes in several other colors, which are all described as “beautiful” with an “elegant frosted appearance.” Now really. I understand the need to effectively market your product, but why does the color of this item make any difference whatsoever? I really can’t stress this enough. We are talking about a silicone cup which is designed to collect menstrual blood. Who is going to be stopping to admire the color? And elegant? Friends, nothing is elegant when it is full of uterine secretions. NOTHING. I don’t care if it’s made of crystal and encrusted with diamonds.
Just imagine the conversation with your pharmacist:
YOU: I’d like a Lunette cup please.
PHARMACIST: Would you like clear, blue, coral, green, or purple?
YOU: Can I see the green?
PHARMACIST: Sure, here you go.
YOU: Oh. I was really looking for something in a sage green, but this is more of a lime green.
PHARMACIST: Well, you can always paint over it later.
YOU: I guess I’ll just go with the clear.
Sometimes I really envy men and the choices they do not have to make in their daily lives.