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Color-coordinating your vagina

29 Aug

Friends, today I learned about the existence of a new product call the Lunette cup. Anyway, someone mentioned it on Twitter, and being an abnormally curious person I immediately googled this product. Here is what I found. Men, you will likely never need to know what this thing is, but I’ll just summarize for you briefly and say it’s a sort of feminine hygiene product which is, um, used internally. *cough*

The first testimonial which loaded on the website read (I am not making this up, folks): “I chose[…] the Selene because of its pretty color”. I’m sorry, what? I almost injured my abdominal muscles from laughing at this statement. We are talking about an item which women put into their vaginas. Heaven forbid you purchase a feminine hygiene product which doesn’t match the existing color palette of your vagina. Obviously I had to know what was so magnificent about this color, so I clicked on the info page. I was expecting something akin to the opalescent sheen you might see when gazing into a unicorn’s eyes… it was blue.

The cup apparently comes in several other colors, which are all described as “beautiful” with an “elegant frosted appearance.” Now really. I understand the need to effectively market your product, but why does the color of this item make any difference whatsoever? I really can’t stress this enough. We are talking about a silicone cup which is designed to collect menstrual blood. Who is going to be stopping to admire the color? And elegant? Friends, nothing is elegant when it is full of uterine secretions. NOTHING. I don’t care if it’s made of crystal and encrusted with diamonds.

Just imagine the conversation with your pharmacist:
YOU: I’d like a Lunette cup please.
PHARMACIST: Would you like clear, blue, coral, green, or purple?
YOU: Can I see the green?
PHARMACIST: Sure, here you go.
YOU: Oh. I was really looking for something in a sage green, but this is more of a lime green.
PHARMACIST: Well, you can always paint over it later.
YOU: I guess I’ll just go with the clear.

Sometimes I really envy men and the choices they do not have to make in their daily lives.

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12 Comments

Posted by on August 29, 2012 in Life in General, Schadenfreude for you

 

Tags: , , , ,

12 responses to “Color-coordinating your vagina

  1. JoAnna Wahlund

    August 29, 2012 at 3:20 pm

     
    • karifur

      August 29, 2012 at 3:42 pm

      LOL JoAnna that’s awesome. I think my favorite is the review titled “no good for man hands”

       
  2. Nichole H.

    August 29, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Ain’t gonna lie. I got the purple one.

     
    • karifur

      August 29, 2012 at 3:50 pm

      Purple is my favorite color so I suppose I probably would too if I were going to buy one. Just not sure if I am woman enough for something like that. It’s the emptying part that gets me. I would probably gag if I spilled it on myself.

       
      • Nichole H.

        August 29, 2012 at 3:53 pm

        I use the Nuvaring for birth control, so I’m pretty used to manipulating stuff. It’s MY stuff, so whatever. I used to be weird about “dirty” things until I have been vomited, peed on, pooped on, anal gland expressed on, etc etc etc. It washes off.

         
      • karifur

        August 29, 2012 at 3:56 pm

        I have no problem with blood in general. But uterine blood for some reason crosses the line for me.

         
  3. LookingfortheSweetSpot

    August 30, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Hysterical! I will need some color swatches to decide. Hey, but think of all the fun condoms guys get to pick through – I believe they get to experience interesting colors as well…that get to be seen. (came from findingthefunny!)

     
    • karifur

      August 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

      Haha yes, at least the colored condoms get to be admired by someone other than the person who uses them. LOL

       
  4. Kim

    September 3, 2012 at 1:56 am

    anything glittery?

     
    • karifur

      September 3, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      I don’t think they come with glitter just yet. But maybe in the future…

       
  5. jeneralinsanity

    October 7, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    bwaaahahahahaha! I’m not big on reaching into my messy cavern to grab something full of yuck either, darling. You are definitely not alone there. Unfortunately for me, the “More Testimonials” page was down for maintenance, so I only got the one page of goodies. Aside from the one they repeated but changed the font on, my favorite was this:

    “… I chose the Lunette because it was very well recomended by many women and also because I think Finland is a nice country 🙂 I have been wearing my Lunette for four months now and I can’t imagine my life without it. …”

    I see two things wrong with this statement. (Aside from misspelling recommended.)
    A: If you choose what goes in and out of your va-jay-jay based on the fact that you think the country it was made in is “nice”, you’ve got a problem.
    2: If you’ve been wearing your lady-waste-collection-pot for four months, you’re doing it all wrong. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to take it out from time to time…
    She may also have some separation anxiety issues, but that’s between her and her therapist.

     
    • karifur

      October 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm

      LOL I completely missed the misspelling, but I also wondered how the niceness of a country would have any impact on the relative appropriateness of vaginal accessories.
      Also I am concerned about the potential side-effects of wearing this thing for four months. At some point, you’d think there would be a backup or something

       

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