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A weekly update including, but not limited to, the invention a new curse word

29 Sep

Lately I have been plagued by a thick fog of fatigue and general ickiness. In an effort to find some answers and (I hoped) a solution, I made an appointment with my my doctor last Friday. We talked about my symptoms and some possible causes, and she ordered a plethora of tests to be run, which required a total of 6 tubes (of varying shapes, sizes and colors) to be filled with blood. My own blood, obviously, not just anyone’s. Thursday I finally got the complete lab report in the mail & all tests were within normal limits. YAY! But also BOOOO! Because this means I’m no closer to an answer than I was last Friday. Damn. So I have a consultation at the sleep clinic next month, which will almost certainly be followed by an overnight stay at the Casa del Slumber where I’ll probably be diagnosed with Cantsleepinfrontofstrangerswithwiresstuckallovermyface-osis. I’m sure it’s a common affliction. You probably have it too.

I also got glasses last month. Because I want to look like a sexy librarian but my hair isn’t log enough to pull back in a bun. Not because I am getting older and my eyesight is deteriorating. I used to require glasses all the time, because I had pretty poor eyesight and was too lazy to take proper care of my contacts (this was back in the day before disposable contacts were actually affordable for the general populace). I has laser eye surgery about 10 years ago. By that of course I mean they used lasers to reshape my lenses, not that they gave me laser eyes. That would be silly. Anyway, not that I’m approaching 40 my I thought it would be a good idea to see if I need glasses again. I really only need to wear them when driving at night, because my left eye isn’t quite pulling its share of the load. The lazy slacker. So here’s a picture of my glasses:

image

I'm happy to accept your compliments but if you don't like them, just keep your trap shut about it.


I love them for a lot of reasons. They are very me. The only way they could be more me is if they were purple and had a short attention span. I actually started wearing them during the day this week. They don’t really help me see any better at work, but the frames happen sit in just the right place to distract from the prominent dark circles under my eyes:
image

This has not been photoshopped or artificially enhanced. I really do look like I've been in a fistfight every day. It's not a good look for me.


Sorry about that, kids. I hope you weren’t too traumatized. Also when people see me wearing glasses, they are so distracted by the difference that they don’t even notice Vesuvius I and II erupting on my chin:
image

Sexy, no? And they hurt like a mofo too.


This what I told Ian on Friday when we had lunch together and he asked why I was wearing my glasses. His response: “So it’s vanity then?” and I’m like “Duh.” Sometimes guys just don’t understand about accessories.

On a completely unrelated note, earlier this week I was assigned the temporary system password “omgyfumb”. The moment I laid eyes on this word, I knew it had a higher purpose than the flash-in-a-pan life of a single-use password. I have decided to repurpose this word as my new politically correct interjectory expletive. For example: “Omgyfumb, I dropped my coffee and it spilled everywhere”. One of my Facebook friends quite brilliantly suggested “fumb” could be substituted for “f–ing dumb” (rather like the word “fugly”, which seems to have become commonplace for f–ing ugly). Lo and behold, today I stumbled across this article, which seems like a textbook example of OMGYFUMB if I have ever seen one.

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