Why you should not name your dog Toby

15 Nov

If you want to be kind to your dog and to every vet professional and/or groomer who will ever need to work with him, for the love of all things holy, do not name your dog Toby. Especially if he’s a Cocker Spaniel, Chihuahua, Maltese, or any other stereotypically difficult-to-groom dogs. Apologies if you happen to have any of these dogs. I’m not saying they’re all ill-behaved, and I’m sure yours is fabulous to work with and never tries to eat your vet’s face for dinner.

I have known countless dogs named Toby, and the vast majority were a groomer’s/vet’s nightmare. [If your dog’s name is Toby I’m sure he is one of the good ones]. You know the kind of dog. The kind who is all sweet and cuddly at home and loves to gives kisses, and when his people bring him into the shop they say “Our last groomer asked us to never come back again. I don’t know why because he’s the sweetest thing and I’m sure he’ll be an angel. She was probably just allergic.” When the groomer tries to trim his toenails he screams like she is trying to saw off his feet with a dull steak knife. And he won’t sit still for the haircut so his fur is all choppy and lop-sided and chunky-looking. And when you put him in the tub for his bath he flails around like the tub is on fire, and then when you try to blow-dry him he poops right when you try to dry under his tail so the blow dryer splatters it everywhere so you need to give him another bath and then when you put him back in the tub to wash off the poop, he pees on himself and then poops again as soon as you finish rinsing him off and then as soon as you put him back on the table he poops again. By now you have  lost track of how many times you have washed this dogs’s back end. The entire time this is happening, he is snarling and trying to bite you and scratching at you with all his paws as if you are trying to murder him, even though it’s exactly the same way you washed and dried all the other dogs before him and none of them freaked out like that. When this Toby’s owner picks him up, she doesn’t tip. Toby is a cursed name.

Don’t do that to your groomer. Give your dog a name like Marshmallow* or Jethro or Peterson. These dogs would never poop down the front of his groomer’s shirt when she tries to pick him up.

* It has been argued that Marshmallow would also be a pain in the rear end to work with, like a Princess or Precious. If Marshmallow is a small white dog, I concede that is probably true. However, if Marshmallow is a Saint Bernard or a Basset Hound or a Pit Bull, then Marshmallow would be a lazy ball of cuddles who would let you trim each individual hair with a pair of scissors and wouldn’t mind at all. That’s the kind of Marshmallow I was thinking of.


Posted by on November 15, 2012 in Vet Tech war stories


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7 responses to “Why you should not name your dog Toby

  1. fargojones

    November 16, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    I vow not to name my hypothetical future dog Toby. 🙂

  2. Kim

    November 17, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    My kids are staring at me trying to figure put why I’m shaking with silent laughter…. Lol

    • karifur

      November 20, 2012 at 12:45 pm

      Nothing makes me happier than the idea that something I wrote has caused someone to be stared at by people around her. Thanks! 🙂

  3. Andria

    November 20, 2012 at 11:52 am

    If I ever got a dog, or even another cat–Jethro Peterson is the name I’m using. Even if it’s a girl.

    • karifur

      November 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm

      I’m gonna need you to go ahead and adopt another cat right now just so you can name it Jethro Peterson. ESPECIALLY if it’s a girl.

      • fargojones

        November 21, 2012 at 7:04 am

        I agree. There needs to be pets in the world named Jethro Peterson.

  4. Bethany

    November 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Poor Toby….my dog just tries to eat the clippers…


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