The ugly truth about The Twelve Days of Christmas

24 Dec

I’m sure you’ve all heard that song, The Twelve Days of Christmas. It’s a holiday staple right? I know there have been articles examining the monetary value of the gifts and so on, but has anyone ever looked at the implications of these gifts?

Let’s just examine the totals for a moment: By the time day 12 rolls around, the singer’s true love would have given her:
12 drummers drumming
22 pipers piping
30 lords a leaping
36 ladies dancing
40 maids a milking
42 swans a swimming
42 geese a laying
40 gold rings
36 calling birds
30 french hens
22 turtle doves
12 partridges in pear trees

Does anyone else see the problem here?

He gave his true love 184 birds, but not even one cleaning lady? Just imagine the amount of bird poop! Also, one has to assume that the maids-a-milking would come with cows or goats or something. Or possibly babies. Whatever the maids are milking, you can be sure it’s producing a lot of poop as well. Just think of the potential catastrophic injuries from all the leaping lords and dancing ladies slipping around in fresh bird feces.

This poor young lady certainly won’t have time to clean while she’s cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for all the drummers, pipers, lords, ladies and milkmaids, because of all the things her true love to her, he didn’t think to give her any personal chefs.

Eventually she will probably have to cook all the birds in order to feed the people, and then what? She’ll have to let them go because she can’t afford to buy them all food after she’s sold all the gold rings to buy more beds so everyone has somewhere to sleep at night. Then we have 140 homeless, unemployed entertainers trying to find work at Christmas time.

Man, this “True Love” guy is really a short-sighted jerk.

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Posted by on December 24, 2012 in Schadenfreude for you, Uncategorized


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