Earlier this year I downloaded an app called Fitocracy. If you have never heard of this, it’s sort of like Facebook plus Words with Friends, but for exercise. Unlike other apps that just record your activities and tell you how many calories your burned (BORING), Fitocracy gives you POINTS for stuff. You can participate in challenges, go on quests, join groups, post status updates, and even give props to your friends for doing cool stuff. Sometimes it’s frustrating because the points it assigns don’t always seem to match up with the amount of effort an activity takes, and some activities simply aren’t on the list. I consider it a personal challenge to find substitute activities for things that aren’t included in the exercise list.
Today someone in the Facebook group of badass ladies (you remember I mentioned last blog) joked that there was no Fitocracy activity for sex. Which of course drove me to examine the Fitocracy list in search of appropriate substitutes. Which is when I realized what a large number of exercises have names that sound inadvertently sexual.
-Alternating floor press
-Clean and Jerk (or even more absurd, “Split Clean and Jerk”)
-Arch back good morning
-Band pull aparts
-Barbell hip thrust
-Body weight split squat
-Hang Snatch (I mean, really?)
-Let me ins
-Power Snatch (I think this one is my favorite)
-Stiff leg barbell good morning
-Stir the pot
Really, this is not even a comprehensive list. In fact, I’m pretty sure most of these exercises were named as part of some drunken college party game. It’s like an endless string of “That’s what she said” jokes. I mean, there’s no way the people who named an exercise the “Goblet Bulgarian Split Squat” did not know what they were doing, unless they were completely drunk out of their minds. Just saying.