WARNING: TMI rating=4 out of 5 stars
I honestly did not intend to share this story with the public because it is so far over the TMI line the only thing that would make it worse would be confessing to a felony or something. But I just had to because there is an important lesson for everyone in this.
Remember last December when I had a colonoscopy to see if I had celiac’s disease? I don’t know if I ever mentioned the results but I do not have celiac’s disease, or any other kind of gluten intolerance. I also don’t have worms, which is comforting because ever since I had to watch an episode of Monsters Inside Me for a parasitology class, I have always had a little voice in my head saying “you might have roundworms” anytime I have an upset stomach. On the other hand, we still don’t know what actually IS wrong with me. So anyway, after the superfuntastic colonoscopy experience of a lifetime, I went about my business with no hope of ever having normal digestive function again.
Fast forward to this week. I am now trying a new treatment for irritable bowel syndrome, which is apparently what they call it when you have generalized abdominal discomfort most of the time. Of course I could be less vague about my particular issues but I am not going to because eww that is so gross. You’re welcome.
So anyway…as part of this treatment, I have to keep a diary of my bowel movements. For real.* Since I’m really terrible at remembering that kind of crap** I checked to see if there’s an android app for that kind of thing. Of course there is; more than one in fact. I selected one of the free ones that had the best reviews.
But here’s the kicker – they all include an option to share your posts to Facebook and/or Twitter. DEAR LORD, WHO USES THIS FEATURE? Even more horrifying, the app also has an option to take a PHOTO of your poop, and share that photo to your social media accounts. NO. Just, no. I mean, I am embarrassed that I even have this app on my phone; I am not about to start sharing my entries with the entire internet. Again, you’re welcome.
I’m going to be brutally honest here, and I hope I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings by saying this, but someone has to say it – no one on Facebook wants to know about your bowel movements.
Unless the poop looks like Jesus or something, in which case you need to share that crap*** on Twitter, post-haste.
***pun also intended