A few weeks ago, something came loose in the steering column of my car. It rattles around in there whenever I turn, which is somewhat annoying, but that’s not really worth a whole blog post. A few days later, the car randomly honked as I was driving my son to school. It was sort of a timid, uncertain kind of honk. Like “B-b-b-bee-bee-b-beeeEEEE-b-beep.”
My son and I had a good laugh about it but little did we know it was the start of a downward trend. In fact, I believe my car is a colossal asshole. Because now it only does this when other people are around.
Here is a brief, but not comprehensive list of times when my car has decided to randomly honk its horn:
– Driving past a bus stop where a cluster of teenagers were waiting for the bus.
– Behind another car at a stoplight. While it was still red.
– Driving behind someone on a residential street, while they were driving the speed limit.
– While attempting to merge onto the interstate.
– This morning, while about to pass a dude riding his bicycle on a residential street. (He shook his head in irritation and waved me by, clearly thinking I was asking him to get out of the way.)*
I can only assume that my car is trying to frame me up as an asshole as part of some master plan of public humiliation. So if you are out in public and a green Ford Escort wagon honks at you even though you’re not doing anything wrong, just assume that the driver had nothing to do with it and go about your business.
* I felt so bad about this one I had to roll down my window and say “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. My horn is broken.”