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Category Archives: My new life plan

Triathlon part deux

Hey, remember last year when I did that indoor triathlon at the Y? Well there was another one at the end of April, and as usual I let my husband convince me to participate. We were supposed to be at the Y at 6:45 for a pre-race orientation. Ian was working the night shift at his second job so he was going to meet me at the Y as soon as he was off work. I am NOT a morning person, so I set two alarms to make sure I wouldn’t oversleep.
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One small step for a man, one giant leap for me

One small step for a man, one giant leap for me

After dinner on Tuesday my teenagers asked to go to the library. And by “asked”, I mean repeatedly begged. And by “after dinner”, I mean starting the minute I got home from work and continuing every 15 minutes after that. Normally there’s no time for this kind of thing on a weeknight but thanks to the miracle of our crockpot a perfectly cooked roast was waiting for me when I got home from work and we were done eating by 6:30. Since we still had a couple of hours before I send the kids to bed,* I decided a visit to the library would be a nice way to spend the evening.

HOWEVER… Instead of accompanying them into the library, lounging around playing games on my phone and wasting time on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, etc as I usually do, I decided to do something I had not done in a while. I went to the gym with the intention of running on the treadmill.

I know. I’ll give you a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and/or clean up the milk you just snorted out of your nose.

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Slow, Fat Triathlete*

Recently my husband peer pressured me into doing a triathlon at our local YMCA. I have never done a triathlon before and normally would have balked at the suggestion, but this one was a little different. It was an indoor event, so instead of having a fixed biking and running distance, we were assigned to stationary machines and given a fixed amount of time. This seemed much more manageable, because I would be able to go at my own pace and still finiaj when everyone else did. More importantly, the swim would be indoors in a chemically-treated, weed- and wildlife-free, heated pool. Few things make me squirm quite like the prospect of swimming in a giant, frigid, weedy fish toilet, even if it is only for a few minutes.

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Fargo woman decides to go as a Judgmental, Fat-Shaming Jerkface for Halloween*

Perhaps you have heard this viral story about the Fargo woman who called a local radio station and announced her intention to hand out letters instead of candy to those children who she deems to be “moderately obese”. I’m not sure what gave this woman the idea that it was her duty to assess the general health of every child who comes trick-or-treating to her house this year, nor do I know what sort of education she has that makes her think she is qualified to make that determination based on a few seconds looking at a child in his/her costume. The thing is, it doesn’t matter, because no matter what her education might be, she has no right to pass judgment on children or their parents. I had every intention of writing a reply to “Cheryl” outlining the dangers in her plan, and suggesting some genuinely helpful things she could do instead if she really wanted to encourage children to be healthy.

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First World Problems: Redneck techology solutions

Some of you might be wondering why I’ve been so quiet this month on my various social media outlets.* Recently my husband and I made some tough decisions in order to save some money and replenish our savings, which has been decimated by this year’s surprise car repairs, veterinary bills, etc. In closely examining our expenses, we had to admit that the most expensive single bill on our list (other than rent, of course, which is essential for obvious reasons) is our cell phone/internet bill. We decided the most sensible and responsible thing to do would be to turn off our internet and our individual cell phones for a few months.
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The one app that should never ever EVER have a “share to Facebook” button

WARNING: TMI rating=4 out of 5 stars

I honestly did not intend to share this story with the public because it is so far over the TMI line the only thing that would make it worse would be confessing to a felony or something. But I just had to because there is an important lesson for everyone in this.

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Innocuous exercises with names that sound dirty

Earlier this year I downloaded an app called Fitocracy. If you have never heard of this, it’s sort of like Facebook plus Words with Friends, but for exercise. Unlike other apps that just record your activities and tell you how many calories your burned (BORING), Fitocracy gives you POINTS for stuff. You can participate in challenges, go on quests, join groups, post status updates, and even give props to your friends for doing cool stuff. Sometimes it’s frustrating because the points it assigns don’t always seem to match up with the amount of effort an activity takes, and some activities simply aren’t on the list. I consider it a personal challenge to find substitute activities for things that aren’t included in the exercise list.
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