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Tag Archives: funny

Jillian Michaels…Yoga Instructor?

Shortly after I did the zombie 5k earlier this year, a couple of my friends invited me to join a Facebook group full of other badass ladies with a similar devotion to bettering ourselves. I have never really been much of a participant in groups before, but these ladies are so darned awesome and supportive that I look forward to every post in the group. The other day*, someone asked for yoga video recommendations and one of the workouts mentioned happened to be a Jillian Michaels dvd. That’s right, friends. Jillian Michaels. Yoga.
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Posted by on July 16, 2013 in My new life plan, Schadenfreude for you

 

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Kids: Nature’s Petri dishes OR The solution to the unemployment problem?

You know how they make those tablets that turn all the plaque in your mouth pink if you chew them up?

I was just thinking. What if there was a product like that, but that worked on skin? So before your kids take a bath or shower, a spritzer would cover them with this magical solution that would turn all the dirt on their skin some hideous color (which is easily removed by proper showering).

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It’s called a vagina. Kindly get your cranium out of your rectum & let the man do his job

CAVEAT: you may find this post offensive. I know I did.

Today I read this article about a teacher in Idaho who is being investigated bacause he used the word “vagina” during class. Mind you, this was not a high school math class or even a 1st grade English lesson. It was a 10th grade Biology class, during an anatomy lesson. WTF IDAHO?  I beg you to click & read the article because I am seriously not making this up. There were additional complaints as well, which only further support my hypothesis that the complainants somehow believe that understanding anatomy leads to promiscuous behavior.

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Posted by on March 28, 2013 in Life in General, Schadenfreude for you

 

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Who was that guy who was in that thing?

Saturday my mom and I went to see Les Miserables at the cheap theater. Before the movie there was a preview that had some actor I recognized from something but I couldn’t remember what. So I said to my mom “who is that guy?”  And she didn’t know either. Normally I would crack open the cell phone and look it up on IMDB but we were in the middle of  movie theater obviously so I had turned off my phone because it’s polite, right? So I said “I’ll just look it up after the movie.”

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Posted by on March 24, 2013 in Life in General, Schadenfreude for you

 

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To Pee or Not to Pee

You know how sometimes you’re waiting for an important phone call and you feel like you need to pee but you’re like “If I go to the bathroom now they’re going to call so I’ll just wait”
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Posted by on March 13, 2013 in Schadenfreude for you

 

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Rule number 31 of Zombieland

Sometimes weird things occur to you when you’re out doing completely random and unrelated errands. For example, the other day I was out grocery shopping. I only bought a few things so I just had one bag, and decided it wasn’t worth the effort to open the back door just to put one bag in there. However, when I reached across to set the bag on the passenger seat, I caught myself glancing at the backseat. Then I pictured the rules of Zombieland flashing up in front of me (RULE 31 – CHECK THE BACKSEAT) and realized I’m already partially prepared for the zombie apocalypse.

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Posted by on February 19, 2013 in Life in General, Schadenfreude for you

 

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I forgot I’m not supposed to be allowed in the kitchen

I can hardly believe it myself, you guys, but it is 100% true. You might remember from this blog (or this one) that I generally do not consider myself an expert in the kitchen. I made a dinner that was so delicious, my kids asked for seconds. And then they asked for thirds. And my daughter even asked for fourths. She might have even asked for fifths and sixths but I finally had to cut her off so we’d still have leftovers by the time Ian got home from work. My son even offered to clear my place at the table as a thank you “for being such an AMAZING cook.”

Since I so rarely have such great success in the kitchen, I thought I would share the recipe.
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