RSS

Tag Archives: humor

Things our Butler does

Things our Butler does

Last month we adopted a 2-year-old Saint Bernard. 

image

His name is Butler. He’s adorable and we love him like crazy, but sometimes he does silly things. Tonight the kids and I were talking about Butler’s antics and one of them said “people might overhear this conversation and think we have the world’s weirdest butler.” I said they might be a little confused but unless we actually referred to him as “OUR BUTLER”, they probably wouldn’t assume he was a person. And then, naturally, we decided to try it out. Pretty soon we were doubled over with laughter, imagining people’s reactions when we tell people stories of “our butler”.

“Our Butler has been with us since he was two.”

“The other day when I came home, our Butler stole my shoe and ran off with it.”

“Our Butler likes to roll around in the snow outside.”

“Aw man, I just stepped in a puddle of our Butler’s drool and now my sock is all wet.”

“Our Butler sometimes drinks out of the toilet if we forget to close the lid.”

“The other day our Butler peed on Wordsworth’s leg while they were both outside.”

This could be the makings of a world-class sitcom here, folks.

Advertisements
 
2 Comments

Posted by on February 12, 2016 in Life in General

 

Tags: , , ,

Weird things I can say in French

About a year ago I decided that I wanted to learn French, so I downloaded a free language-instruction app onto my phone. I lost motivation and quit using it last summer but recently picked it up again. Since it’s been so long I pretty much had to start over, but this has reminded me of how amusing the phrases can be in this app. I’d like go share with you some of the strange things I have learned to say in French, and their translations.*

1. Je suis un tortue.
TRANSLATION:
I am a turtle.
MY REACTION:
Really? My first thought is to wonder how many English-speaking turtles have downloaded this app with the intention of traveling to France. And then I wonder why it would be necessary for the turtle to inform the French people he meets of his place in the animal kingdom. Don’t French people know a turtle when they see one?

2. Les femmes mangent du beurre.
TRANSLATION:
The women eat some butter.
MY REACTION:
Just butter? I mean, I’ve heard that French food can be pretty rich but this seems a little excessive to me. You could at least spread it on some bread first.

3. Les éléphants mangent une pomme.
TRANSLATION:
The elephants eat an apple.
MY REACTION:
That’s either one GIANT apple, or some really small elephants for them to be sharing one apple between them.

4. Nous mangeons du sucre.
TRANSLATION:
We eat some sugar.
MY REACTION:
Just sugar? I can’t imagine a bunch of French people sitting around a table, drinking coffee and eating sugar by the spoonful.

5. Les hommes mangent une fraise.
TRANSLATION:
The men eat a strawberry.
MY REACTION:
Is there some sort of strawberry shortage in France? Why can’t they all have their own strawberry?

6. Je suis une abeille.
TRANSLATION:
I am a bee.
MY REACTION:
Apparently it’s not only turtles that have urgent need of French language tutorials.

Whether or not I will ever actually NEED to say these things in French is another question. But it’s nice to know I am prepared, should the situation arise.

______________
* I don’t claim to be any kind of expert in the language so I am taking the translations directly from the app. Please forgive me if these are too literal. I can only hope that the translation is somehow lacking and that these phrases would make far more sense when spoken in context to actual French-speaking people.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on February 10, 2016 in Life in General

 

Tags: , ,

Road trips with children are not for the faint of heart

Road trips with children are not for the faint of heart
Disclaimer: This is not my friend's baby. Or mine for that matter. Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ollycoffey/7248445434/

Disclaimer: This is not my friend’s baby. Or mine for that matter.
Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ollycoffey/7248445434/

So, remember in my last post several weeks ago, where I made a passing reference to a two-day road trip with my friend and her kids, and promised I would write about it later? Okay, so this is a bit later than I originally intended, but here it is.

Despite what I and many other people predicted for a road trip with two young kids, it was actually mostly uneventful. We left a little later than originally planned (as I expected), made a few extra restroom stops (as I expected), and had some difficulty locating gas stations where we could fill up my friend’s car which runs on diesel fuel (I admit this was unexpected because I didn’t actually know there were still cars that run on deisel fuel).

There was one minor incident where I falsely accused the toddler of having a poopy diaper, even though she insisted that she had not pooped. It turns out she was indeed telling the truth and her diaper was clean and then I felt like a complete a-hole. In my defense, we had just passed a cattle ranch or something because the smell of poo was powerful and ubiquitous. But that was not the most exciting thing that happened on the trip.

Read the rest of this entry »

 
2 Comments

Posted by on August 14, 2014 in Family Life, Schadenfreude for you

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

10 signs you might have waited a little too long to mow your lawn

10 signs you might have waited a little too long to mow your lawn

This weekend I flew out to Denver in order to accompany my good friend and her two kids on the 2-day car trip from Colorado back to her family’s lake cabin in Minnesota. That was an experience which deserves a write-up of its own, but will have to wait until another day. My absence, coupled with the fact that Ian worked the overnight shift at his part-time job every day I was gone, meant that the lawn did not get mowed for over a week and a half.* Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Tags: , , , , ,

Triathlon part deux

Hey, remember last year when I did that indoor triathlon at the Y? Well there was another one at the end of April, and as usual I let my husband convince me to participate. We were supposed to be at the Y at 6:45 for a pre-race orientation. Ian was working the night shift at his second job so he was going to meet me at the Y as soon as he was off work. I am NOT a morning person, so I set two alarms to make sure I wouldn’t oversleep.
Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Kari’s rules of writing

This week my daughter told me that she might like to be a writer someday. Considering how last year we struggled to just get her to write a one-page essay for English class, I admit this came as a bit of a shock to me. I mean, I know that she likes drawing and writing but I didn’t  know that she’d want to do it as a career. Up until recently, I thought she wanted to be a veterinarian. However, it made me think about Being a Writer.
Read the rest of this entry »

 
9 Comments

Posted by on April 20, 2014 in Life in General, Schadenfreude for you

 

Tags: , , , ,

Things that made me go “REALLY?”

We recently bought a carpet shampoo thingee. My husband and son both mocked me resoundingly for wanting to “waste” money on such a frivolous thing, but I countered that it is easy to dismiss a home carpet cleaner as unnecessary when you are not the one who has to clean cat vomit or explosive canine diarrhea out of the carpets while attempting not to add to the mess by vomiting into it yourself. 
Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Tags: , , ,